yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
