Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
