found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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