if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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