She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
