she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I intend to get homeless drunk
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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