You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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