I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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