Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Im part way to drunk.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
