I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
