dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize