I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
