She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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