Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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