Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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