Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My dad is sitting where you rode me
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
