its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
