Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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