Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Can I color on your dick again?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
