well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
