you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
