non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My penis needs a shock collar
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
