she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
