So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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