i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
that is very illegal...i love you.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
