Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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