conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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