My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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