batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
sarcasm needs its own font
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
