Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
