my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It's blow job season.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
