We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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