Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
