We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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