every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
