Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
