Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
