that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
