Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
