I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
