everyone is single if you try hard enough
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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