let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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