hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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