My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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