Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize
