Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
