I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
