Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
