it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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