He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
